I’ve been meaning to write these journal entries every week, but truthfully, I just couldn’t. The past 30 days have been heavy, and I had to step back and focus on healing—physically, emotionally, and mentally.
It started with a mild flu that drained me more than it should have. Then came the chaos of perimenopause, with its relentless ups and downs. Add to that a household of “adult” kids who still need me more than they realize, and a husband who’s also been under the weather. My body just waved the white flag.
And then there were the holidays—those bittersweet reminders of the past. Memories of my parents’ messy split came flooding back — I just wanted to escape it all. I thought I had buried those feelings, but they have a way of resurfacing when you least expect it.
On top of everything, there’s the ache of losing my sister—not to death, but to distance. She chose to cut ties almost two decades ago, and though I don’t talk about it much, it’s a wound that never really heals. Saying it here feels both painful and freeing.
Mentally, I wasn’t in a great place either. The holiday season always does that to me. There’s something about the forced cheer and endless expectations that makes me want to retreat into my own little world.
Sometimes, life demands that you hit pause. You step back, take a breath, and focus on yourself. Because if you don’t, how can you possibly manage everything else?
Life is messy. It’s unpredictable. It’s overwhelming, especially for moms like me who are trying to hold it all together. And let’s be real—no one has it all together, no matter how perfect their life might look on the outside.
I’ve never been good at pretending otherwise. I can’t fake it, and I won’t try. Life is raw and real, and when it knocks you down, you have to face it head-on—even if it takes longer than you’d like.
A few days ago, I decided to take a small step forward. I downloaded a new app to track my calories and fitness.
Also, I dusted off my planner which had been sitting untouched for many weeks. I walked, rode my bike, and even danced around the kitchen while boiling eggs to eat with my salad.
I sang my heart out to my favorite Stone Sour songs, read a book, meditated, and reconnected with a few close friends.
None of it was groundbreaking, but it felt like progress.
Here’s what I’ve learned along the way:
- It’s okay to not be okay.
- It’s okay to take a break.
- It is okay to put yourself first.
I don’t have all the answers. I’m still figuring things out. But I know this: I want to be happy. I want to be healthy. I want to lose weight, but I also want to enjoy a slice of coconut cream pie. Life is too short to skip the things that bring you joy.
If you’re reading this and you’re struggling too, I hope you know you’re not alone. Take a breath. Take a break. Take care of yourself.
Sending love and warm hugs to anyone who needs them. Thanks for letting me share my little ramble.
Love,
S A N N A
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My last journal entry:
